Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
