I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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