Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Randomize
