Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
