Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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