Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
