how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
