it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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