I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize