Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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