I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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