Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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