I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
