The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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