Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The best revenge is premature balding
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
