I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
