She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So apparently I’m into choking now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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