At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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