Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize