So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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