apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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