well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
