I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize