One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
