Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
