he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My dick has a subreddit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
