this beer tastes like vomit already
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
