Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
