I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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