I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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