If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
