Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize