just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
