i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
