I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
