haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
