I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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