I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
