Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
