i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
