I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
