you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
