I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Of course I have a pirate flag
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
