I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
