he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
