I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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