sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
