first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
