If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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