I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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