Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
