I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
