remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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