Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
