If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
