Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
