Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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