Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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