Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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