Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
