Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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