its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't think brook has ever known best
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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