At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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