Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
