there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
