How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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