Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
