Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
