I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
