The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
